Physics Jokes

  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
  • Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
  • Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
  • There has been too much action in reaction to political scandals. Please write to your congressman to repeal Newton's third law.
  • Rene DesCartes walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "What'll it be? Would you like a beer?" To which DesCartes replies, "I don't think--" POOF! He disappears.
  • There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."

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